After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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