Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
