at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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