i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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