Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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