For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
