sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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