Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
