So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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