I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Send help, water and tortillas.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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