she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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