How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I need a burrito and a hug.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
