Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
