I bet he comes in French.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
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Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now