everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.