I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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