Please, let me fuck your mom
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.