Texts From Last Night

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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  dude, you're being a jerk.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney

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  (704): dude, you're being a jerk. (919): sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney http://tfl.nu/o9rt
  Replies (6) Good night (844) Bad night (488)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"

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  (215): Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up" http://tfl.nu/ev4p
  Replies (2) Good night (3030) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.

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  (503): She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party. http://tfl.nu/vfln
  Replies (46) Good night (708) Bad night (7074)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.

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  (512): I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub. http://tfl.nu/cojk
  Replies (7) Good night (6090) Bad night (1138)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos

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  (727): and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos http://tfl.nu/qrbd
  Replies (11) Good night (4642) Bad night (805)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns

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  (443): I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns http://tfl.nu/o6of
  Replies (3) Good night (1417) Bad night (656)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  welcome to the club.

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  (215): the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night. (1-215): welcome to the club. http://tfl.nu/wwaf
  Replies (5) Good night (877) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.

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  (909): I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus. http://tfl.nu/h461
  Replies (4) Good night (1118) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.

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  (435): If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me. http://tfl.nu/35sp
  Replies (11) Good night (2052) Bad night (714)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos

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  (814): The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos http://tfl.nu/br7k
  Replies (3) Good night (979) Bad night (470)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.

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  (401): He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate. http://tfl.nu/dyap
  Replies (1) Good night (726) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?

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  (858): So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom? http://tfl.nu/h0sv
  Replies (13) Good night (1502) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.

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  (406): Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life. http://tfl.nu/a4er
  Replies (0) Good night (252) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.

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  (304): Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination. http://tfl.nu/22p5
  Replies (4) Good night (356) Bad night (146)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  It's not too late to disappoint her you know...

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  (919): I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again (1-919): It's not too late to disappoint her you know... http://tfl.nu/57hn
  Replies (3) Good night (796) Bad night (224)

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