i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
