I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
