So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
