it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
