anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When did angry sex become our thing?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
