you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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