I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
