when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
