I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
