I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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