All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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