I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
