dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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