My friends, they love my intelligence
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
