Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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