I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
