He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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