So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
