They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
