Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
