I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
