my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
