is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
