biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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