will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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