if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
