At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
