fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
