Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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