she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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