I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
