Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize