All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
