Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
