It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
