The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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