did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
