Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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