Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do vagina's smell?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
