MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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