Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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