you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
