therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
