Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
