If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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