Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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