She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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