that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
