i think my mom watched the whole time
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
