I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
