I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
