just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
