after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
