Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
