who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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