you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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