I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
