Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
And then he peed in my hair
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