just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
