What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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