Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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